let my words be few

Sometimes God wakes me up in the middle of the night to remind me of you. Yes, you. The girl reading this right now.

With a gentle tap on my heart He’ll say, “I want you to share this with her.

And if I’m being honest, sometimes it seems hard and tedious and scary. Sometimes I doubt you’ll care. Sometimes I fear your judgement. Sometimes I find myself as Moses was, pleading with God over my inadequacy and lack of eloquence.

But then He will whisper again:

“Remember when you were her? Remember how it felt? Remember how desperately you needed those words? Remember?”

And with that soft reminder, the flutter in my heart for you will return.

I write these posts for you, sweet girl.

I write because I know life is hard and that it hurts. I write because I remember what desperation and loneliness feels like. I write because sometimes it’s all I can do to settle my own soul. I write because God has broken my heart for you.

I write because He asks me to.

So to you, I want to say: thank you for reading. I pray you find pieces of Jesus here.

And to my sweet Savior, I ask: please let my words be few.

don’t stop your hustle, but don’t let your hustle stop you

I called my mom last night and cried.

I was battling stress, worry, and a tightness in my chest.

She told me, “Torie, give yourself a break. We don’t have to have it all figured out tonight.” Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have the same superpowers when I’m a mom.

Can I share some truth with you?

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

I know, you’ve heard that before. I’ve heard it before too- lots of times. But girl, it really is the truth. Don’t stop your hustle, but also don’t let your hustle stop you. God has given you everything you need to fulfill your specific purpose. I promise He will get you where you need to be.

This is something I’ve been reminding myself of lately:

I don’t want anything that is not from God.

I would rather be patient than miss out on God’s timing.

I don’t want to be somewhere that He has not called me to be.

Girl, if you’re hustling hard and stressing because you still don’t feel like you have it all figured out, please remember that you don’t have to. Here’s a secret: you’re not the only one. No one else has it figured out either. The lucky thing? God does.

Last night I gave it to God and went to sleep. I decided to trust Him over myself, and with my mom’s help, I realized that it’s better that way.

My plans pale in comparison to what He has planned for me and oh I’m so thankful. I’m thankful that it’s not all up to me to figure out, and I’m thankful that the same goes for you, too.

maybe God is protecting you from something you can’t see

My friend spoke words of wisdom into my life the other night. She said, “maybe God is protecting you from something you can’t see.”

How had I not considered that?

Does anyone else ever have moments where you turn to God and say, “are you forgetting about me? I am positive that relationship/friendship/job is meant to be!”

I’ll be honest with you. I sometimes fail to realize that the plans I make for myself are nothing in comparison to the ones that God has made for me. I forget that He knows infinitely more than I do. And when things don’t pan out exactly as I think they should, thoughts like, “I’ve missed out” and, “that was my last chance” start to run through my mind.

And friend, if you can relate at all, here’s the reality of the situation:

I will not “miss out” on the things that God is preparing for me.

I serve a God who offers chance after chance.

I want no part of anything that is not from Him.

If I got everything I thought I wanted, my life would be a hot mess.

I am not God, I do not know what God knows, and ultimately, He is the trust worthy author of my life.

So just in case you need to hear this one more time today: maybe God is protecting you from something you can’t see.

Girl, even His no’s are covered in love. He knows infinitely more than we do. And I can promise you this: when you receive the things that are from Him, you are never going to look back and wish you had gotten what you previously asked for.

And I hope the peace of that completely covers you.

this is what I pray for

I pray for my future family every single day.

I relentlessly pray for the man I will marry and that he is passionately in love with the Lord. I pray for the children I will have and that they will come into a personal relationship with Jesus at a young age and walk with Him for the rest of their lives. I pray that God will have His powerful and merciful hand in the lives of the people that are special to me.

I pray for loved ones who don’t know what it’s like to look at the sky and mountains and ocean and see God there. I pray that He will reveal Himself in extraordinary ways and bring peace and purpose into their lives.

I ask for Him to move in my life. I ask that He draws me closer to Him and fills my heart with a desperation to know Him. I ask to hear His voice above all else. I pray that He molds me into the woman He has called me to be. I ask Him to take away desires that aren’t from Him and replace them with those that are.

I pray that He uses me as an example of how powerful His love is. I also thank Him for all that He has done and for all that He will do.

Why? Because prayer works.

And before I clicked the “post” button tonight,

I prayed for you, too.

we are not called to understand God

I came to God with a mountain load of worries today. As I was riddling off my fears on my way to class I ended my list with a simple prayer.

God, please help me to trust you.

Life is overwhelming. It is messy. It is hard. And honestly, sometimes it scares me.

But it is in the midst of my anxiety and doubt that the Lord takes my hand and whispers, “daughter, I already have it all figured out.”

I cling to the promises that I hear in that still, small voice.

I know the plans He has for me are so much greater than anything I could ever plan for myself. I know that He has been preparing me for such a time as this. I know that He has His hand on the knob of each door I need to walk through and will open them in His good and perfect time. I also know that He closes the doors that don’t lead me closer to Him.

And it is because I know all of this that I don’t need to know the rest.

Hear me on this:

We are not called to understand God. We are called to trust Him.

This world is big but my God is so much bigger. The future is scary but my God has foreseen every second of it. Anxious thoughts are heavy but my God supplies abundant peace. I make plans but my God makes better ones.

And oh how deserving He is of every ounce of my trust.




I craved an honest love

Can I press pause on your Valentine’s Day for just a sec? I have a quick question for you.

Are you focused more on pursuing a relationship with the guy that caught your eye in history class or the one that hung on a cross for you?

I only ask because I know what it’s like to be the girl that routinely lets satan whisper lies in her ear. I listened as he reminded me of insecurities and shame and doubt until I wondered if I could ever be worthy of an honest love. I craved that. I prayed earnestly for it. I did my best to find it on my own.

Sometimes we let our desires cloud our vision and steal our peace. Sometimes we forget whose heart we should be pursuing above all else. Sometimes we listen to the lies.

But the enemy never offers us something we don’t already have.

Maybe you need to hear this today: if you’re letting God direct your steps, you’re not going to miss out on what He has planned for you.

Stop rushing. Slow down. Good things will come in God’s time, not yours. He knows exactly what you need and when you need it. He knows exactly how many days (or valentine’s days) you need to spend single. He knows who the right person is and when you need to meet them. But He also wants to be the top priority in your life.

Please don’t forget that we serve a jealous God.

This powerful, magnificent, holy, jealous God did something incredible for me. He gave me that honest love that I prayed so desperately for, and He gave it to me before I ever began to think I needed it. I was desperate for something I already had.

His honest love saved me. It wraps around me in the fire and holds onto me in the storm. It takes my hand in the valley and humbles me on the mountaintop. It surpasses my understanding and tugs relentlessly on my faith. It painted the cross red and washed the sin from my name.

Can I tell you the best thing about that honest love?

It’s offered to you too.

Happy Valentine’s Day

I am angry that I will never be the girl that I was

It was never meant to be this hard.

I wasn’t supposed to be carrying this burden around with me everywhere I go. I wasn’t supposed to be battling fear, panic, and anxiety. I wasn’t supposed to struggle with trusting every person that gets close to me. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

But I do, and I’d be lying to you if I pretended that I don’t. The truth is, I don’t have everything figured out. I am not yet the healed, capable woman that I intend on being. And if I’m being honest with you, I often feel a mingling of fear, anger, and shame resting in the pit of my stomach.

I am angry that I will never be the girl that I was.

And sometimes, on the days that God whispers to me, I remember that I don’t want to be that girl anymore.

But there are parts of her that I miss. She was trusting. She saw the very best in everyone. She had an entire, untarnished, unbroken heart to give; and she gave it.

She also had a lot to learn. And maybe this part of her will never change, but she is learning and has learned a lot. She is wiser, stronger, and closer to her savior. She is finding the road to bravery and she will take it when she can. She will take it because God pulls her by the hand and takes every first step.

And although it was never meant to be this hard and I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, I do. And this mended, tarnished heart with cracks turned to seams is held in hands that bear their own scars.

And I will love again because He first loved me.

And sweet friend, I promise so will you.