for the girl in waiting

Sometimes the waiting seems tedious.

Sometimes I lie in bed at night and wonder how long I’ll have to wait for A, B, and C to happen.

Sometimes I can’t help but turn to God and ask, “how long?” I’ve yet to receive a response but I’ll keep ya posted.

And with still no answer to that question, He has laid it on my heart to write to the girl in waiting today, and also to myself.

If I know anything about God’s character, I know that He doesn’t make me wait without cause. There is purpose in each season. There are lessons that I still need to learn. There are people that I still need to meet. There are places that I still need to go. I don’t want to rob myself of this season of growth. God is not in a hurry, why am I?

God wants me and you to make the most of this waiting season. He wants us to live on purpose. He wants us to live with purpose.

I wish I could tell you the number of times I’ve gotten so caught up in my worries only to hear a still, small voice whisper, “daughter, I’ve already got it figured out.”

Read that again because He’s whispering the same thing to you.

God wants our trust, and not only after we have the answers. He wants it now, in the waiting.

So whether I will wait 1 more day, or 1 more year, or 10 years, I am trusting His timing, His plan, and His faithfulness. Why? Because I have seen it in my own life and in the lives of the ones I love.

He is a God who keeps His promises. He is a God who loves me. He is a God that wants the best for me.

He is a God who hears my prayers in the waiting and says, “daughter, just trust me. I’ve already got it figured out.”

don’t stop your hustle, but don’t let your hustle stop you

I called my mom last night and cried.

I was battling stress, worry, and a tightness in my chest.

She told me, “Torie, give yourself a break. We don’t have to have it all figured out tonight.” Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have the same superpowers when I’m a mom.

Can I share some truth with you?

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

I know, you’ve heard that before. I’ve heard it before too- lots of times. But girl, it really is the truth. Don’t stop your hustle, but also don’t let your hustle stop you. God has given you everything you need to fulfill your specific purpose. I promise He will get you where you need to be.

This is something I’ve been reminding myself of lately:

I don’t want anything that is not from God.

I would rather be patient than miss out on God’s timing.

I don’t want to be somewhere that He has not called me to be.

Girl, if you’re hustling hard and stressing because you still don’t feel like you have it all figured out, please remember that you don’t have to. Here’s a secret: you’re not the only one. No one else has it figured out either. The lucky thing? God does.

Last night I gave it to God and went to sleep. I decided to trust Him over myself, and with my mom’s help, I realized that it’s better that way.

My plans pale in comparison to what He has planned for me and oh I’m so thankful. I’m thankful that it’s not all up to me to figure out, and I’m thankful that the same goes for you, too.

maybe God is protecting you from something you can’t see

My friend spoke words of wisdom into my life the other night. She said, “maybe God is protecting you from something you can’t see.”

How had I not considered that?

Does anyone else ever have moments where you turn to God and say, “are you forgetting about me? I am positive that relationship/friendship/job is meant to be!”

I’ll be honest with you. I sometimes fail to realize that the plans I make for myself are nothing in comparison to the ones that God has made for me. I forget that He knows infinitely more than I do. And when things don’t pan out exactly as I think they should, thoughts like, “I’ve missed out” and, “that was my last chance” start to run through my mind.

And friend, if you can relate at all, here’s the reality of the situation:

I will not “miss out” on the things that God is preparing for me.

I serve a God who offers chance after chance.

I want no part of anything that is not from Him.

If I got everything I thought I wanted, my life would be a hot mess.

I am not God, I do not know what God knows, and ultimately, He is the trust worthy author of my life.

So just in case you need to hear this one more time today: maybe God is protecting you from something you can’t see.

Girl, even His no’s are covered in love. He knows infinitely more than we do. And I can promise you this: when you receive the things that are from Him, you are never going to look back and wish you had gotten what you previously asked for.

And I hope the peace of that completely covers you.

this is what I pray for

I pray for my future family every single day.

I relentlessly pray for the man I will marry and that he is passionately in love with the Lord. I pray for the children I will have and that they will come into a personal relationship with Jesus at a young age and walk with Him for the rest of their lives. I pray that God will have His powerful and merciful hand in the lives of the people that are special to me.

I pray for loved ones who don’t know what it’s like to look at the sky and mountains and ocean and see God there. I pray that He will reveal Himself in extraordinary ways and bring peace and purpose into their lives.

I ask for Him to move in my life. I ask that He draws me closer to Him and fills my heart with a desperation to know Him. I ask to hear His voice above all else. I pray that He molds me into the woman He has called me to be. I ask Him to take away desires that aren’t from Him and replace them with those that are.

I pray that He uses me as an example of how powerful His love is. I also thank Him for all that He has done and for all that He will do.

Why? Because prayer works.

And before I clicked the “post” button tonight,

I prayed for you, too.

we are not called to understand God

I came to God with a mountain load of worries today. As I was riddling off my fears on my way to class I ended my list with a simple prayer.

God, please help me to trust you.

Life is overwhelming. It is messy. It is hard. And honestly, sometimes it scares me.

But it is in the midst of my anxiety and doubt that the Lord takes my hand and whispers, “daughter, I already have it all figured out.”

I cling to the promises that I hear in that still, small voice.

I know the plans He has for me are so much greater than anything I could ever plan for myself. I know that He has been preparing me for such a time as this. I know that He has His hand on the knob of each door I need to walk through and will open them in His good and perfect time. I also know that He closes the doors that don’t lead me closer to Him.

And it is because I know all of this that I don’t need to know the rest.

Hear me on this:

We are not called to understand God. We are called to trust Him.

This world is big but my God is so much bigger. The future is scary but my God has foreseen every second of it. Anxious thoughts are heavy but my God supplies abundant peace. I make plans but my God makes better ones.

And oh how deserving He is of every ounce of my trust.




I craved an honest love

Can I press pause on your Valentine’s Day for just a sec? I have a quick question for you.

Are you focused more on pursuing a relationship with the guy that caught your eye in history class or the one that hung on a cross for you?

I only ask because I know what it’s like to be the girl that routinely lets satan whisper lies in her ear. I listened as he reminded me of insecurities and shame and doubt until I wondered if I could ever be worthy of an honest love. I craved that. I prayed earnestly for it. I did my best to find it on my own.

Sometimes we let our desires cloud our vision and steal our peace. Sometimes we forget whose heart we should be pursuing above all else. Sometimes we listen to the lies.

But the enemy never offers us something we don’t already have.

Maybe you need to hear this today: if you’re letting God direct your steps, you’re not going to miss out on what He has planned for you.

Stop rushing. Slow down. Good things will come in God’s time, not yours. He knows exactly what you need and when you need it. He knows exactly how many days (or valentine’s days) you need to spend single. He knows who the right person is and when you need to meet them. But He also wants to be the top priority in your life.

Please don’t forget that we serve a jealous God.

This powerful, magnificent, holy, jealous God did something incredible for me. He gave me that honest love that I prayed so desperately for, and He gave it to me before I ever began to think I needed it. I was desperate for something I already had.

His honest love saved me. It wraps around me in the fire and holds onto me in the storm. It takes my hand in the valley and humbles me on the mountaintop. It surpasses my understanding and tugs relentlessly on my faith. It painted the cross red and washed the sin from my name.

Can I tell you the best thing about that honest love?

It’s offered to you too.

Happy Valentine’s Day

If you’re the girl holding on by a thread right now, read this

365 days ago I sat in the middle of the floor in my bedroom completely overwhelmed and emotionally overdrawn.

Tears were an every day occurrence. I slept with my Bible because I wanted to feel close to God yet I was terrified to talk to Him. Peace was nonexistent and panic became my norm.

Can I tell you the worst part?

No one knew.

I did everything I could to cover up what was actually going on. When questions were asked I brushed them off and assured everyone that I was fine. I told them I was happy.

I was neither.

A year ago today I wrote this down in my journal: “Today was really hard. I’m sad and not sure what the best thing to do is. I can’t wait to meet forever people.” And on February 6th just one year later I can honestly tell you that I am genuinely happy and have found those forever people. I have met girls who will stand with me on my wedding day and hold my hand through the trials and heartbreak.

A year ago I felt alone. Today I feel loved.

365 days. One year. Exponential growth.

If you’re the girl that’s holding on by a thread right now, keep holding. It will get better. But hear me sis, if you need to move some things around in your life in order for that better change to come, then MOVE THEM.

You have to love yourself enough to make hard decisions for the betterment of your emotional, mental, and physical health.

PLEASE talk to someone who loves you about what’s going on. There is a way out and you don’t have to find it alone. My inbox is always open.

And lastly, God sees you. Please don’t hide from Him. He can redeem whatever it is that is hurting you right now if you simply lay it all  down at His feet. Listen for His voice and when you find it, please be brave.

An unfortunate story about my underwear

In fourth grade I took a ferry ride to Mackinac Island. I had a bag full of clothes and while attempting to retrieve my sunglasses, my underwear flew out and landed on the guy behind me.

Yeah girl, it was every bit as awkward and horrifying as it sounds.

I then had to turn around and pick them up off of his lap after assuring him that they were clean. Single most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.

But hey, I lived to tell the story and so did he. I think.

As humiliating as this unfortunate turn of events was at the time, I now tell it with a laugh and a smile and always get some in return. Life is full of moments like these, and if you’re anything like me, full is an understatement. I basically live my life from one embarrassing moment to the next.

I’m slowly learning to embrace those awkward parts of myself (college will do that for ya) because life is just a giant combination of moments and there’s no way to slow it down or speed it up. The seconds, minutes, hours, and days often slip by and are forgotten.

But let’s be real, how much do you wanna bet that guy still hasn’t forgotten the time a pair of underwear whacked him in the face on what was supposed to be an enjoyable ferry ride? I doubt it.

All jokes aside, I tell you this because we all have stories like these. And if you say you don’t, you’re either lying or have a very selective memory.

The Bible says God sits on His throne and laughs, and sometimes girl, we just need to laugh it off too. None of it matters in the grand scheme of things and I promise you’ll look back and have one heck of a story to tell. Speaking of which, I’d love to hear your most embarrassing story!

Tell me about it in the comments below! Do you have mine beat?

I am angry that I will never be the girl that I was

It was never meant to be this hard.

I wasn’t supposed to be carrying this burden around with me everywhere I go. I wasn’t supposed to be battling fear, panic, and anxiety. I wasn’t supposed to struggle with trusting every person that gets close to me. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

But I do, and I’d be lying to you if I pretended that I don’t. The truth is, I don’t have everything figured out. I am not yet the healed, capable woman that I intend on being. And if I’m being honest with you, I often feel a mingling of fear, anger, and shame resting in the pit of my stomach.

I am angry that I will never be the girl that I was.

And sometimes, on the days that God whispers to me, I remember that I don’t want to be that girl anymore.

But there are parts of her that I miss. She was trusting. She saw the very best in everyone. She had an entire, untarnished, unbroken heart to give; and she gave it.

She also had a lot to learn. And maybe this part of her will never change, but she is learning and has learned a lot. She is wiser, stronger, and closer to her savior. She is finding the road to bravery and she will take it when she can. She will take it because God pulls her by the hand and takes every first step.

And although it was never meant to be this hard and I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, I do. And this mended, tarnished heart with cracks turned to seams is held in hands that bear their own scars.

And I will love again because He first loved me.

And sweet friend, I promise so will you.

We’ve become okay with degrading men in the process of lifting women up and it is not okay

We’ve become a society that pushes terms like “toxic masculinity” and “mansplaining” while saying such things with utter hypocrisy. Women rally together to march through Washington D.C. in vulgar costumes while holding signs dripping with profanity and call it a social justice movement. The feminist agenda is one that pushes for abortion “rights” up to 40 weeks into pregnancy. This culture labels men as monsters and women as oppressed and any other narrative that doesn’t fall in line with that is offensive.

Bottom line: we’ve become okay with degrading men in the process of lifting women up and it is not okay. Equality is a two way street, not a tightrope balancing act where one party makes it to the other end okay and the other is pushed off while the crowd cheers.

Ladies, if we want respect, we need to give it.

We need to stop making jokes about all men being trash and assuming that there’s actually truth behind such a statement. We need to stop labeling liberation as demanding respect while doing all things unworthy of it. We need to stop praising ourselves while beating down the opposite gender. Just because society says that it’s okay to speak this way does not mean it actually is.

Girls, hear me out. We need to respect ourselves enough to understand the true meaning of class, dignity, and maturity and we need to demonstrate those things. We are not better simply because we have two x chromosomes.

We have gender specific abilities and gifts that allow us to do some truly incredible things, and so do men. We are different because that was God’s beautiful and perfect design. He created man and woman equal, not interchangeable.

And guess what-

Gentlemen are as rare as ladies are.