for the girl in waiting

Sometimes the waiting seems tedious.

Sometimes I lie in bed at night and wonder how long I’ll have to wait for A, B, and C to happen.

Sometimes I can’t help but turn to God and ask, “how long?” I’ve yet to receive a response but I’ll keep ya posted.

And with still no answer to that question, He has laid it on my heart to write to the girl in waiting today, and also to myself.

If I know anything about God’s character, I know that He doesn’t make me wait without cause. There is purpose in each season. There are lessons that I still need to learn. There are people that I still need to meet. There are places that I still need to go. I don’t want to rob myself of this season of growth. God is not in a hurry, why am I?

God wants me and you to make the most of this waiting season. He wants us to live on purpose. He wants us to live with purpose.

I wish I could tell you the number of times I’ve gotten so caught up in my worries only to hear a still, small voice whisper, “daughter, I’ve already got it figured out.”

Read that again because He’s whispering the same thing to you.

God wants our trust, and not only after we have the answers. He wants it now, in the waiting.

So whether I will wait 1 more day, or 1 more year, or 10 years, I am trusting His timing, His plan, and His faithfulness. Why? Because I have seen it in my own life and in the lives of the ones I love.

He is a God who keeps His promises. He is a God who loves me. He is a God that wants the best for me.

He is a God who hears my prayers in the waiting and says, “daughter, just trust me. I’ve already got it figured out.”

I’m so thankful to serve a God that wrecks my plans

I’m so thankful to serve a God that faithfully wrecks my plans.

If you ever turn to God and say, “It’s alright God, I’ve got this one figured out,” only to realize that you do not, in fact, have this one figured out, then let me just say that I’m right there with ya.

It’s during these times that I’m grateful for a God who steps in and reminds me why I should lean not on my own understanding, but His. I am also reminded just how truly incapable I am on my own.

Sometimes I wish I had all the answers. Sometimes I find myself telling God that it would be so much easier if He could just tell me what was in store. Sometimes, I want the burden of not knowing to be taken away.

But I realized something recently.

It would be a much bigger burden to know all of the endings. The weight of having all of the answers would be unbearable; and I’ve realized that I’m thankful it’s not mine to carry.

So today I am rejoicing over all of my personal plans that God has wrecked because they weren’t His best. I am rejoicing over all of the times I thought I knew best and God faithfully reminded me that I don’t. I am rejoicing because I have a Father who is watching over me, guiding me, and protecting me from things I can’t see or don’t understand.

I am rejoicing that knowing is not my burden to carry.

I craved an honest love

Can I press pause on your Valentine’s Day for just a sec? I have a quick question for you.

Are you focused more on pursuing a relationship with the guy that caught your eye in history class or the one that hung on a cross for you?

I only ask because I know what it’s like to be the girl that routinely lets satan whisper lies in her ear. I listened as he reminded me of insecurities and shame and doubt until I wondered if I could ever be worthy of an honest love. I craved that. I prayed earnestly for it. I did my best to find it on my own.

Sometimes we let our desires cloud our vision and steal our peace. Sometimes we forget whose heart we should be pursuing above all else. Sometimes we listen to the lies.

But the enemy never offers us something we don’t already have.

Maybe you need to hear this today: if you’re letting God direct your steps, you’re not going to miss out on what He has planned for you.

Stop rushing. Slow down. Good things will come in God’s time, not yours. He knows exactly what you need and when you need it. He knows exactly how many days (or valentine’s days) you need to spend single. He knows who the right person is and when you need to meet them. But He also wants to be the top priority in your life.

Please don’t forget that we serve a jealous God.

This powerful, magnificent, holy, jealous God did something incredible for me. He gave me that honest love that I prayed so desperately for, and He gave it to me before I ever began to think I needed it. I was desperate for something I already had.

His honest love saved me. It wraps around me in the fire and holds onto me in the storm. It takes my hand in the valley and humbles me on the mountaintop. It surpasses my understanding and tugs relentlessly on my faith. It painted the cross red and washed the sin from my name.

Can I tell you the best thing about that honest love?

It’s offered to you too.

Happy Valentine’s Day

If you’re the girl holding on by a thread right now, read this

365 days ago I sat in the middle of the floor in my bedroom completely overwhelmed and emotionally overdrawn.

Tears were an every day occurrence. I slept with my Bible because I wanted to feel close to God yet I was terrified to talk to Him. Peace was nonexistent and panic became my norm.

Can I tell you the worst part?

No one knew.

I did everything I could to cover up what was actually going on. When questions were asked I brushed them off and assured everyone that I was fine. I told them I was happy.

I was neither.

A year ago today I wrote this down in my journal: “Today was really hard. I’m sad and not sure what the best thing to do is. I can’t wait to meet forever people.” And on February 6th just one year later I can honestly tell you that I am genuinely happy and have found those forever people. I have met girls who will stand with me on my wedding day and hold my hand through the trials and heartbreak.

A year ago I felt alone. Today I feel loved.

365 days. One year. Exponential growth.

If you’re the girl that’s holding on by a thread right now, keep holding. It will get better. But hear me sis, if you need to move some things around in your life in order for that better change to come, then MOVE THEM.

You have to love yourself enough to make hard decisions for the betterment of your emotional, mental, and physical health.

PLEASE talk to someone who loves you about what’s going on. There is a way out and you don’t have to find it alone. My inbox is always open.

And lastly, God sees you. Please don’t hide from Him. He can redeem whatever it is that is hurting you right now if you simply lay it all  down at His feet. Listen for His voice and when you find it, please be brave.

We’ve become okay with degrading men in the process of lifting women up and it is not okay

We’ve become a society that pushes terms like “toxic masculinity” and “mansplaining” while saying such things with utter hypocrisy. Women rally together to march through Washington D.C. in vulgar costumes while holding signs dripping with profanity and call it a social justice movement. The feminist agenda is one that pushes for abortion “rights” up to 40 weeks into pregnancy. This culture labels men as monsters and women as oppressed and any other narrative that doesn’t fall in line with that is offensive.

Bottom line: we’ve become okay with degrading men in the process of lifting women up and it is not okay. Equality is a two way street, not a tightrope balancing act where one party makes it to the other end okay and the other is pushed off while the crowd cheers.

Ladies, if we want respect, we need to give it.

We need to stop making jokes about all men being trash and assuming that there’s actually truth behind such a statement. We need to stop labeling liberation as demanding respect while doing all things unworthy of it. We need to stop praising ourselves while beating down the opposite gender. Just because society says that it’s okay to speak this way does not mean it actually is.

Girls, hear me out. We need to respect ourselves enough to understand the true meaning of class, dignity, and maturity and we need to demonstrate those things. We are not better simply because we have two x chromosomes.

We have gender specific abilities and gifts that allow us to do some truly incredible things, and so do men. We are different because that was God’s beautiful and perfect design. He created man and woman equal, not interchangeable.

And guess what-

Gentlemen are as rare as ladies are.

A Girl Becoming a Woman

I am flawed. 
I often give into fear instead of choosing courage. I care too much about the opinions of others and let words hurt me more than they should. I overthink and worry about the future. I always choose pizza over salad. Sometimes I stink at having patience. To be completely honest, I’m not the girl I want to be most days.
But in the midst of my weaknesses I am reminded of something beautiful. 
Even when I am messy and complicated, Jesus is strong and steadfast.
Even when I struggle and fall short, Jesus upholds every promise.
Even when I do not love myself, Jesus loves me fully.
He knows my name. He looks after my heart. He designed me in his own image. He died for me. 
And while I am imperfect and fall short of who he calls me to be, he loves me still. I am his- the daughter of the king. The girl who’s still becoming the woman she fully intends to be.