An honest post…

There’s a heavy feeling I can’t put into words.
I’ve tried.
I’ve tried to explain why sometimes my hands shake and tears overflow. I’ve tried to express the tightness I feel in my chest and make sense of the voice that tells me to run. I know it is not your voice, Lord.
I’ve tried to understand why sometimes this unnamed feeling presses panic into every crevice of my soul.
This feeling- I hate it.
Isolation. Judgment. Frustration. Fear. A silent yet raging plea for help.

This feeling without a name only shows up once and a while now. It used to be constant.
I fell asleep in it and I woke up in it. I tried to breathe but it pressed on my lungs. I faked smiles and believed lies and told myself I was fine living with this dread inside. That I was 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺.
Now when it comes I try to stop it. I try to push it down under the water. Yet somehow, it always manages to pull me with it.
Jesus, show me a love that is without boundaries. A love that pulls me up out of the water and calls me clean. A love like yours.
Lord, show me that love.

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